The Ominous Comma

For those of you who are viewing this site with the assistance of Internet Explorer, allow me to apologize.

The fragmented Picassoesque nightmare that was until recently displayed by IE at this web address was the main inspiration for changing from my time-honored travertine textured theme to the sleek Black Cherry Jello color-scheme you see today.

At the time I had hoped that this gesture of humility and subservience would placate Lord Gates and his scurvy minions and allow my transmissions to travel through his esteemed portal unmolested.

But that was not to be the case.*

Those fearsome software barons, I learned with great unpleasantness, require far greater sacrifice that mere graphical transplant. They required blood.

So I cut open the bleeding heart of the Comma and ripped out some of the most innocent html tags of its precious code, hurling their mangled carcasses in direction of Redmond Washington.

And Lord Gates was pleased and smiled upon me and caused all the exploded pieces of my theme to be restored to their rightful places.

And everyone lived happily ever after…at Castle Microsoft.

Perhaps at this point you may be wondering why your selection of web browser so drastically affects the way you perceive the internet. I was a bit curious myself, and as a licensed Internet Resource I felt it was my duty to get to the bottom of this mystery no matter how much diligent research it would require from whoever I could talk into doing it.

So in this spirit of community service I took the issue to my personal web guru DangerDan who proceeded to explain the matter to me in a presentation brimming with technical expertise and cool little bullet points, the majority of which have since been lost to the impenetrable jungle of my memory.

But the essence of the problem is this: Although there are universal web standards and procedures in place to prevent exactly this sort of ugliness, Microsoft has a difficult time following any system of standardization that they themselves did not personally invent.

As a result, any unwary blog, no matter how fully saturated with witty humor, no matter how fully operational it may be in every other browser known to man, woman, and the occasional sasquatch can still unwittingly run aground upon the jagged reef of software incompatibility.

For my American readers who may have difficulty picturing any group of people with this staggering level of pride and obstinacy, allow me illustrate with a story.

Imagine if you will that the entire world had agreed to a universal system of measurement, one based in and easily divisible by units of ten, a fairly standard number of human digits.

Imagine also that one group of rather stubborn group of people chose to ignore this standard, clinging instead to a charmingly archaic system so chock full or fractions and bizarre measuremental units that even its country of origin had abandoned it with disgust.

Now picture these same people naively expecting the other 98% of the planetary population to measure things according to their standard just because they’re the biggest and because they invented nuclear weapons…DOS… slinkies.

Hard to imagine, I know.

Countries Not Using The Metric System

Anyway, please enjoy the newly non-surrealist visual presentation of the Comma, fully immersing yourselves in the total ominous experience, including Camille’s very own page.

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*That it took me several weeks to discover that my efforts were less than successful speaks volumes of my extensive commitment to research and development.

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Humor-blogs.com is still measuring me one giggle at a time.

Alltop however, measures by the bushel.

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Need more witty humor in your life? Subscribe to the Comma at this very instant.

Due to my upcoming graduation, my parents are flying once again to the lovely swamps of Memphis, an event that hasn’t happened since a certain someone else graduated last December.

But even though apart, we have kept our relationship strong with the help of regular correspondence, mainly originating from their end.

Here for your viewing pleasure is a small sampling of that postmarked concern.

Brent,

Mom and I are very sorry to hear that you have a blog. I can only imagine how scary it must be for you to have to face this. Please see a specialist right away.

Praying for a swift recovery.

Your Dad

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Son,

I just wanted you to know how much your mother and I support you in this struggle with your blog. We hope it is not malignant.

Have you had it tested yet?

Love Dad

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Son,

Just a note to let you know that your mom and I have found a support group, Parents of Adult Children With Blogs. All of us are pulling for you to get better.

Some people at the group say that meditation can really help.

-Dad

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Dad is consulting a Blogologist over the puzzling matter of humor-blogs.com, and a phrenologist about the irascible enigma that is alltop.com

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You may also check out this timeless piece of classic ominous humor.

Sorry friends, no funnies today. I am finishing the roof, studying for finals, and……

preparing for graduation.

That’s right Comma fans, your Author is mere weeks away from a genuine college diploma, and with it in hand I will have more time to blog. I mean more time to spend with my family, and of course to see to long overdue household maintenance chores.

And write.

And catch up on all the movies I missed.

And possibly romance the Hot Comma Momma.

But they are no guarantees on that last one. I am after all, a highly educated man with my mind set on the nobler pursuits of culture, refinement, and chasing my wife about the house while laughing maniacally.

But I might pencil in some romance. If I think of it.

Happy Tuesday.

P.S. You can find an interesting carnival of humor at Mad Kane’s Humor blog. While you’re there you might also vote for my submission. ( I could win a prize.)

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It wasn’t my fault, humor-blogs.com made me do it. Alltop.com issued the double dog dare.

I am spending the weekend working on my roof and doing exciting site maintenance to this my exciting site.

Before I am done the the dead links will rise, the Technorati feed will be healed, and multitudes of witty humor fans will be able to find this site via their favorite search engines.

While I am sweating and exerting myself you may read my previous attempt to convince Google that The Ominous Comma is an Important and high ranking source of Intelligent Humor.

You can also affix your gaze upon this lovely photo of the cleaned up, pimped out, wedding ready Comma Clan, recently taken in eastern bowels of Texas.

America’s Most Flaunted

Happy Weekend

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If you’re still bored you can visit humor-blogs.com, or alltop, or even subscribe the gurgling fount of joy that is the Comma.

Of course you could also come help out with the roof.

At long last I have interrupted my highly cerebral often classified meditations on subjects as vast and varied as Flatulence Magnetism, Sub-Aquatic Incontinence, and The Average Number Of Quarks Stubborn Enough To Refuse To Dance Upon The Head Of A Pin in order to answer the challenge of one Jeffrey Ellis who’s dare to me was to sum up the whole of my existence in one Six Word Memoir.

Well, as anyone who has ever had their retinas imprinted by this publication can tell you, I am far too verbose to encapsulate my entire corporeal career in a half-dozen words. In fact, it often takes me three times that amount to even realize I have begun a sentence, much less decide what it is to be about.

But then there is the Ominous Comma, my beloved blog for which I am spokesman, legal counsel and Chief Exaggerative Officer, that I can describe six words:

Which I will deposit upon this screen immediately below this line:

The Ominous Comma

A Cult of Multiple Personalities

As you can see, I have finished with one word to spare, and as I decide how to spend that literary surplus allow me to bestow this same honor upon those who truly deserve it. I hereby inflict this meme upon my dearest absentee blog mutineers, Don, Lobo, and Alex who probably deserve far worse. While I’m at it I will widen the noose to include femme fatales Leigh, Theresa, and Jami. Of course anyone else who cares to saddle themselves with this challenge may also do so without my direct supervision.

Rules, blah, blah, blah:

1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person who tagged you in your post.
4. Tag five more blogs with links.
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Get cracking boys and girls, there’s not a word to waste.

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Be sure to check out the Comma’s staggering stagflation over at humor-blogs.com and alltop.com

also

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