The Ominous Comma

I entered the establishment off a crowded thoroughfare. The place was dark, only the occasional splash of illumination painting the stark white walls. The scent of teenage aftershave mingled freely through the sparse crowd.

Music, blunt and pulsating, saturated the air like a rhythmic fog, filling every breath, every pore, with barometric waves of insistence.

Its beat was warm and relentless as it slowly worked its way down my spine, following the tangled trajectory of my nervous system.

Imperceptivity at first, I started to twitch and then to sway in an unsettling approximation of rhythm, every moment abandoning myself further to the sound’s harsh demands.

Soon I began to embrace my inner dancer, earnestly shaking what my mother had passed on to me. That’s when I heard it, the strident sound of reality calling from some distant area code.

“Dad! What are you doing?! This is a store. You’re supposed to buy things here.”

Chastened, yet still not free of the music’s hypnotic grasp I stumbled toward the exit, pausing to check a few price tags as a cover for my retreat. I had to squint to make out the numbers in the darkness, but eventually discerned their message. Sticker shock did more than any number of offended offspring to restore me from my senses and propel me to the safety of the waiting mall.

Later, despite the urging of my immediate family, my lawyers assured me that a formal apology would not be required. Nonetheless I have decided to issue the following statement:

“Owners, manager, and employees of Hollister, Inc, have no fear. No matter what the current economic uncertainty holds for you and your overpriced garments, if times get tough be assured that you can always fall back on the nightclub trade.”

-Happy Tuesday.

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Humor-blogs.com will be happy to take you to the mall. Alltop.com will even buy you an Orange Julius.

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I have decided that I want to be a part time celebrity.

I want the fame, recognition, and generous paychecks that come with worldwide acclaim, without the paparazzi and crowds of well-wishers besieging my yard, steaming up my windows with their poorly-held breath.

You see, I’ve come to realize that the real problem with having a massive world-wide fan base is how often they get underfoot.

I mean, it’s great for people to come out in droves to try to get an autographed high school portrait and generally validate me as a living internet resource, but what do I do with my public once they’ve served their purpose?

Fortunately, Comma Girl pointed out the solution to me.

I know it’s going to be crowded, but no pushing in there.

Happy Friday

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The voting was fierce, the voters were fiercer, but in the end the best man prevailed.

As did the best woman.

That’s right ladies and captioneers, we have a tie. Although in this case, to be more gender neutral, we should probably call it a scarf. Anyway we have neckware and so we must decide what, aside from fighting terrorism, to do with it.

It might help in the decision making process to point out that this particular tie is between Don Lewis of It’s a Funny Thing and Lynn of the blogless legions known only as Citizens For More Comma And Make It Snappy.

Winner # 1: “Another Satisfied DONCO Art School Graduate!”

Winner #2 “Rainbows are pretty, even in black and white.”

To further narrow down the decision, I might point out that while Lynn has offered me nothing but gratitude and admiration, Mr. Lewis has just recently attempted a forceful eviction of myself from my very own blog.

On the other hand however, he does wear a lot of plaid.

“Don really has style.” - Ruckus MacMullit of DangerCouch

Normally I would hand the matter, as well as and both participants over to merciful attentions of Doctor Harold Toboggans, but thankfully no one has seen our own personal pestilence since Don and LOBO hijacked my beloved Comma.

I am of course keeping a sharp eye out for his return.

Mainly so I can bar door.

But enough about him, here are the results for your consideration.

The real question is what do you get two people who have everything, at least in the way of punctuation-based, net-borne, wit-tickling, entertainment.

Personally, I was thinking of a matching set of ‘his’ and ‘hers’ trebuchet tours of the Niagara region, but as always, I am open for suggestions.

And subscriptions.

-Happy Monday and heartfelt congratulations to our winners and every one who played.

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Don’t be shy, catapult yourself over to the padded chambers of humor-blogs.com

Just don’t hit alltop.com in midair.

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Between family in town, friends in car accidents, and a lost dog, things have been a little busy around Ominous Comma World Headquarters.

Fortunately I have been able to crawl out of my den of excuses just long enough to whine in the direction of the caption contest entries and determine which ones have the stomach, or possibly the ear-protection, to proceed to the semi-finals.

And so, in no particular order here is the image and the caption for your selection. Choose wisely…Nazi’s might shoot your dad. Or curse you to an eternity of franchise sequels.

Finalists:

“E-Pluribi-rss” by TheMrs

“Another Satisfied DONCO Art School Graduate!” by don

“I see this on a t-shirt making me millions” by Creechman

“Brent demonstrates his first million dollar product concept: The one ring binder!” by diesel

“New college grad. No job, no money. Feed me.” by Jay

“Rainbows are pretty, even in black and white.” by Lynn

“Brent’s Graduation Ceremony: Proudly Sponsored by Feedburner” by Lord Likely

Democracy Ahead - Watch Your Step

Vote heartily my hearties, polls close Monday at 4 PM and I will post a winner most soonest thereafter.

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We’re all winners at humor-blogs.com

We’re all witty little sun-beams at alltop.com

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Hello friends, I am at this very minute celebrating my newly acquired emancipation from college and as always I am thinking of you.

For those who may be feeling left out on an occasion of such educational magnitude and significance, I have arranged a handy caption contest so that you may vicariously participate in the festivities.

So feel free to send in your best caption for the picture below and I’ll put up my favorites for public vote next week.

Other than that and brownies the only other way to to reward me on such an achievement would be to subscribe.

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Tell all your friend on humor-blogs.com. You can even mention it at alltop.com

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Don’t fret Comma addicts, more witty humor will be forthcoming soon.

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