The Ominous Comma

Astute readers will note that precisely one year ago today I celebrated the Anniversary of my marriage to Camille, the Hot Comma Momma upon these shimmering pages.

As you may recall, the related festivities were made somewhat challenging not only by her lack of attendance at the actual event, but also by her complete absence from the country.

Yes, while my errant spouse was going native in the steamy jungles of Costa Rica, the Comma Community held a monitor-light vigil in her honor, filling comment-box after comment-box with well wishes, congratulations, and self-pitying cries of loneliness.

Of course that last part came mostly from me, but unless you are an extortionist, armed felon, or possibly a senator, you can really only give what you have.

But as I vowed last year, things have changed. This year my beloved traveler is in country, in house, and if I do say so myself, fairly well in hand.

“What you are experiencing now is the Kung-Fu spinal grip. Between it and the forcefield, you won’t be going anywhere.”

Of course my squad of corporate ninjas is on full alert in case she attempts another getaway, but all in all I feel pretty confident that my bride and I shall make it through the evening in the charming company of each other.

Furthermore, let me add that- Wait. That sounded suspiciously like the front door.

I have to go now and kick in the emergency boost generator for the Toboggans Industries Electromagnetic Spouse Containment Field, but while I’m gone feel free to commiserate…congratulate the HCM on nineteen lucky years with Your Author.

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*Alright, for those of you who insist upon an actual list, here are the Little Known Ways: ninjas, tranquilizers, superglue, and linebackers blocking every exit.

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In the spirit of the holiday weekend, I thought I might share a live public address that I gave several years ago in Memphis about the role of dependence and independence in the lives of spiritual people.

Considering that it is me, jokes are provided but it’s not really comedy. It’s long, about 45 minutes, and I’m still trying to figure out how to make it downloadable, so it’s sort of stuck to this page. Sorry.

I use some strong language, offensive to atheists and churchy types alike, as I take to task the hypocritical christian culture that confuses so many with marketing and formulas and thick layers of artificiality, so be warned.

Due to a possibly slumbering sound tech, it starts in the middle of sentence but I think it will be alright.

This is it here:

Happy Saturday,.
http://www.ominouscomma.com/audio/Dependence.mp3

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Happy Independence Day everyone, be safe.

Image courtesy of Jennie Robinson

Happy Friday

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One thought that is never far from the minds of true Comma aficionados, ranking right behind “What are we having for dinner?” and “I wonder if I should have this looked at by a doctor?” is:

“Whatever can I do to show my undying love and support for The Ominous Comma?“

This is a deeply profound question, one that often leads to bouts of soul-searching, ethical self-examination, and has even been known to induce altered states of consciousness among those untrained in the philosophic arts.*

So in the interests of netwide mental stability I have dedicated an entire page of my webpire** for the sole purpose of guiding all such mediation upon this wondrous and many-faceted topic.

Using classified technology unwittingly on loan from the Department of Humor Security, I have been able to discover that many of you observe these posts from the safety of feed readers and email subscriptions. Today however is the time for all true believers to return to the Hollowed Grammatical Grounds of Your Comma and fully participate in this joyous page of celebration and unrestrained merriment.

Here it is, let’s get participating.

The Official Ominous Comma Support and Badgery page.

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*The philosophic arts include: theoretical construction, deconstruction, reconstruction, redeconstruction, post-redeconstruction, and intoxication.

**Webire - noun:

1. A vast collection of internet holdings and estates, usually overseen by a benevolent individual of great wisdom and Authorship for the good of all humanity.

2. A judge or arbitrator appointed to settle disputes between webmasters, most often in matters of bandwidth, storage capacity, and the combat capabilities of Chuck Norris.

3. A lifesucking page or weblog featuring a parasitical level of sheer inanity almost always culminating in the measurable IQ reduction of readers. See lolcats.

I have great confidence in your ability to pick the right definition.

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Listed on: humor-blogs.com | Alltop.com

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Like a superhero team-up, Jeffrey Ellis and myself have recently joined our comedic forces in a comicbook-worthy* musical collaboration that is equal parts sheer genius** and audio delight.

Mr. Ellis is of course the maniacal mastermind behind The Stinker, a high ranking member of the Humor-Blogs.com hierarchy, as well as an excellent source of dietary fiber.

If for some reason you are not familiar with The Stinker don’t feel bad, it simply means that you are a deeply and profoundly flawed person that probably spends your free time kicking puppies and stealing happy face stickers from geriatric Wal-mart greeters.

Of course I won’t hold that against you.

After all, if I started ostracizing people for that sort of thing, I would soon be out of friends.

But just the same, you should probably get over there.

I can’t go into many details about the project due to strict confidentiality agreements, but I can tell you that it involves both an Ode To The Horror Of Spring Allergies and musical primates.

And how can you go wrong with that?

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* Truth be told, my spandex was a little less than flattering and Jeff kept tripping over his cape. And the bad guys pretty much got away with the doomsday weapon while we were debating the relative merits of Davey Jones and Michael Nesmith.

Other than that it was an epic adventure of heroic proportions.

**According to Jeff’s mom. Your mileage may vary.

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Listed on: humor-blogs.com | Alltop.com

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