Sanity - Too Good to Last

If you have ever made a positive change in your lifestyle you know how good it feels.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve lost weight, quit smoking, or ejected a pompous windbag from your website, there is a certain euphoria that comes from living a better life.

Over the last couple months I haven’t simply been enjoying my new Toboggans-free lifestyle, I’ve been basking in it.

I’ve soaked it up in my pores, inhaled it deeply into my lungs, and placed generous pinches of it between my cheek and gums.

I'm soaking in it

To say that is has been a clean break is to drastically undervalue the meaning of the word clean. Really and truly, I just don’t care if I ever smell the Doctor’s noxious scent again.

However, the same cannot be said for my family.

I am referring specifically to Comma Girl, the only one of my offspring still in the cute larval phase of development, who has beleaguered me with her fears for the Doctor’s health and wellbeing.

I have had my misgivings as well, but whereas her worries for Dr. T center around clean clothes and a balanced diet, my concerns are more along the lines of whether or not he’s had his shots and the possibility of having him spayed.

Anyway, somehow my daughter has heard rumors that he’s been spotted in northern Nevada, so as a devoted father I am packing up the entire Comma clan to investigate these allegations and hopefully drive a steak… shine a light into the cavernous mystery of the Doctor’s disappearance.

Filling my shoes while I’m away will be some talented guest blogggers, the first of which will be Chris Cameron of Angry Seafood.

Although my shoes may still be warm and somewhat moist, I assure everyone involved that all issues of odor and fungal infection have been properly addressed.

Wish me luck, if we find Doctor Toboggans, we’ll definitely need it.

——–

Keep your fingers crossed. The last time we took a family excursion, I ended up with another child which as you might imagine caused all kinds of complications. We will try to keep our family a lot more planned out this time around.

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Feel free to support ‘the fam’ at Humor-Blogs.com. See also alltop.com

Droll Humor?

Recently I was accused of being droll.

Not this blog mind you, or even the various characters and personas I have populated it with, but me, my very own personal self.

Droll.

Is this the face of droll humor?

If there is anything that gets my dander up and marching around,* it’s being labeled with terms so offensive, so clearly and blatantly derogatory that even I don’t know what they mean.

So in spite of strict vows intellectual pacifism, I undertook the most strenuous research methods at my disposal to fathom the enigmatic mystery known as droll.

After several second of diligent mousework I wiped the sweat from my wrist and basked in the glow of discovery.* After a brief post-investigative nap, I read through the symptoms as presented by the vocabulary professionals of Dictionary.com:

Droll -adjective. amusing in an odd way; whimsical; waggish.

Could it be? Was it possible that The Ominous Comma and myself its erstwhile creator were in fact suffering from the insidious effects of droll humor?

So severe were the consequences of this implication that I sought out a second opinion, and after a couple more clicks of grueling research the lexiconary specialists at Wikipedia confirmed the diagnosis:

Droll Humor -an often dry, witty form of humor that elicits laughs through amusingly odd, sometimes zany behavior or speech.

They those same experts went to on to illustrate the sufferings of well known victims like Steven Wright and John Cleese, never once hinting at a cure.

I was stunned. I didn’t know how to live with such self-knowledge, or myself after having discovered it. My only hope lay with the experimental psychological research of the late Doctor Harold Toboggans*** whose cutting-edge Third Person Repressionary Hypnosis therapy I hoped would give me my one shot at pulling through this crisis without permanent damage.

Snatching at the fragments of memory, I hastily assembled my best approximation of the Doctor’s radical self-programming technique.

I helped myself to several cleansing breaths and a shot of scrubbing bubbles. Then as I gazed convincingly into the mirror, I began the chant:

“Brent Diggs has droll humor - Brent Diggs is droll.”

The moral of the story I began to realize–

“Brent Diggs has droll humor - Brent Diggs is droll.”

Is that any time you set out upon a voyage of self discovery-

“Brent Diggs has droll humor - Brent Diggs is droll.”

Be sure to thoroughly check your itinerary.

“Brent Diggs is…”

—–

*After years of clinical research it is still unclear what role dander plays in the rageification process, but experts agree that it should definitely get top billing.

**For extended basking I recommend Toboggans Industries Discovery Screen made with actual pieces of ignorance to filter and protect your delicate tissues from the ravages of eureka-band radiation.

***I don’t know for sure that he is dead, but whatever state he’s in, he is very, very tardy to several counseling appointments.

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Rate this post at Humor-Blogs.com. Tickle it behind the ears at alltop.com

A Writing Challenge for Funny Bloggers

In my brief foray onto the internet I have been privileged to work with some of the funniest people to ever post a blog. Writers of such wit and humorocity that lesser talents are forced to schedule their tears of envy for a time when they are not busy laughing.

Scheduling the Envy

Although they make it look it easy, each of these practitioners of the funny arts has had to overcome many obstacles and technical hindrances that if allowed, would mug their muse and rob the blogosphere of their valuable contributions.

So today I am asking several of these online humorists to share with us some of the technical knowledge and wisdom that enables their art and powers their presentation.

Please note that this is not a meme.

Despite their funny words most humorists are serious people who tend to believe, wrong or right, that most other people are not going to be interested in their favorite color, childhood pets, or in Seventeen-and-half more things I did over my sixth grade summer vacation unless it somehow involves a nudist colony and rabid porcupines.

But a Writing Challenge however –a chance to test your skills as a writer of humor upon a new and untried subject –that’s a horse of a difference folk song.

So here’s the deal, I’m calling out people with a proven track record of humorous writing and technical proficiency to share their wisdom and expertise with us in an entertaining fashion.

These entries can be fiction, anecdote, satire, parody, poetry, or even a transcript of pre-Columbian interpretive dance, but it needs to be funny, entertaining and it must convey useful and accurate information about the art of blogging to those less educated than yourself in its mysterious ways.

You can see my Introduction to RSS Feeds for an example of what I am talking about.

The reward for your efforts, other than the pride of a job well done and the satisfaction of sharing your experience with those less amazingly genius than yourself, will be your inclusion into an elite organization of Living Internet Resources known as the Better Blogging Bureau. As an added bonus, your membership comes complete with official licensing insignia that you may place in your wallet or even upon your blog, informing each and every person you encounter of just how helpful and downright awesome you truly are.

Better Blogging Bureau

And to further make the internet a kinder, gentler place, you will also receive the privilege of challenging five other bloggers of humor that you admire to quit being so selfish with their wealth of experience and trickle down a bit of it to us little people.

To start things off I am hereby throwing down the gauntlet to these highly qualified purveyors of humorous weblogery:

Diesel of the Mattress Police - I am confident that the charitable and educational nature of this endeavor will allow it to slide past his pet…I mean guardian, Grudir the meme-slayer, without major incident.

Mark Reynar of the Skwib - Even if Mark himself is busy, I’m sure that one of his simian minions can handle a piece like this for him without breaking a sweat. This is a good thing because there’s nothing quite like the scent of monkey sweat to thoroughly stifle inspiration.

Madeleine Kane of the Mad Kane humor empire - Who in a bold display of the writing instincts that keep her at the top of her game, has already intuited my purpose and posted her entry entitled Dear Newbie.

Kevin Palmer of Pointless Banter - If you have ever read his Buzz Networker stuff you know that Kevin has the technical chops for this challenge. I only hope that he can take a break from his writing, dating, speaking and breathing schedules to answer the call of the people.

His Lordship Andy Fanton of Lord Likely fame - Between his many web holding I’m sure he can find a place to display his riches of blogging wisdom.

No list of bloggers with humorous technical skill would be complete without Kuanyin of Blog Blonde.

I am also calling out Jeff of View From the Cloud,

Fiar of Radioactive Liberty and Humorblogging.com,

Johnny Virgil of 15 Minute Lunch,

And Bossy of I am Bossy because I have a hunch that she is rather instructive as well.

For those who skimmed over all the good stuff above, the challenge in a nutshell is this:

  1. Write a funny post that includes an actual and helpful technical blogging tip or educational material helpful to new bloggers.
  2. Challenge five other experienced bloggers of funniness.
  3. Post it. (You thought I would overlook that little technicality, didn’t you?)
  4. Link and badge up if you so desire.

As always you don’t have to be handpicked by myself to answer this challenge, every blogger I know is always on the lookout for new ideas to write about and here I have provided one for you free of charge.

Will you rise to the challenge or grovel on the couch of…not-rising-ness?

The choice is yours.

Remember, even it comes with a badge and backlinks, and is foisted upon you like a highschool chemistry lab partner, that doesn’t make it a meme.

It’s a challenge.

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Feel free to vote the crap out of this post at Humor-Blogs.com and admire it serenely at alltop.com

Little Known Ways to Get Your Spouse to Attend Your Anniversary*

Astute readers will note that precisely one year ago today I celebrated the Anniversary of my marriage to Camille, the Hot Comma Momma upon these shimmering pages.

As you may recall, the related festivities were made somewhat challenging not only by her lack of attendance at the actual event, but also by her complete absence from the country.

Yes, while my errant spouse was going native in the steamy jungles of Costa Rica, the Comma Community held a monitor-light vigil in her honor, filling comment-box after comment-box with well wishes, congratulations, and self-pitying cries of loneliness.

Of course that last part came mostly from me, but unless you are an extortionist, armed felon, or possibly a senator, you can really only give what you have.

But as I vowed last year, things have changed. This year my beloved traveler is in country, in house, and if I do say so myself, fairly well in hand.

Getting a Grip on the Runaway Bride

“What you are experiencing now is the Kung-Fu spinal grip. Between it and the forcefield, you won’t be going anywhere.”

Of course my squad of corporate ninjas is on full alert in case she attempts another getaway, but all in all I feel pretty confident that my bride and I shall make it through the evening in the charming company of each other.

Furthermore, let me add that- Wait. That sounded suspiciously like the front door.

I have to go now and kick in the emergency boost generator for the Toboggans Industries Electromagnetic Spouse Containment Field, but while I’m gone feel free to commiserate…congratulate the HCM on nineteen lucky years with Your Author.

—–

*Alright, for those of you who insist upon an actual list, here are the Little Known Ways: ninjas, tranquilizers, superglue, and linebackers blocking every exit.

—–

Listed on: humor-blogs.com | Alltop.com

Weekend Bonus - N’Dependence

In the spirit of the holiday weekend, I thought I might share a live public address that I gave several years ago in Memphis about the role of dependence and independence in the lives of spiritual people.

Considering that it is me, jokes are provided but it’s not really comedy. It’s long, about 45 minutes, and I’m still trying to figure out how to make it downloadable, so it’s sort of stuck to this page. Sorry.

I use some strong language, offensive to atheists and churchy types alike, as I take to task the hypocritical christian culture that confuses so many with marketing and formulas and thick layers of artificiality, so be warned.

Due to a possibly slumbering sound tech, it starts in the middle of sentence but I think it will be alright.

This is it here:

Happy Saturday,.
http://www.ominouscomma.com/audio/Dependence.mp3

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